- BY Colin Yeo
New Immigration Rules laid: X-MAS.%6.&*.
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In another leak exclusive to Free Movement it is possible to reveal further Immigration Rule changes to be introduced at short notice. It is understood the new Statement of Changes will be published on 25 December 2013, becoming the seventeenth Statement of that month and the 97th of this year.
In the wake of new rules preventing Bulgarian and Romanians from claiming benefits and building pre-emptively on the provisions of the new Immigration Bill, a new section to Appendix FM will ban several other activities that were already banned.
The paragraph numbering tests a new post-sequential methodology evolved from the current style of Appendix FM. A Home Office source informs me that this is because the drafting team have ‘literally run out of letters and numbers‘.
Section X-MAS provides as follows:
X-MAS.£$#. The definition of ‘foreigner’ in this paragraph shall include persons with the following characteristics:
(u) Actually being foreign;
(v) Sounding foreign;
(w) Looking foreign;
(wb) Having a foreign name.
X-MAS.3.%^. This paragraph applies if you are a foreigner as defined.
X-MAS.2.**&. This paragraph also applies if you are married to or the partner of a foreigner or the child of a foreigner
X-MAS.9)(‘. Christmas is cancelled.
X-MAS.0£^!. Also, foreigners must not:
(c) bait bears;
(b) fly without wings;
(a) create perpetual motion machines or otherwise offend against the Second Law of Thermodynamics;
(!) claim benefits that they can’t claim anyway.
See also the Something Must Be Done Act 2014 (which I sincerely hope Chris Grayling does not read) and previous Christmas missives on this blog. Merry Christmas all, we’ll be back in the New Year.
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4 Responses
All the new restrictions seem to be reasonable except the flying without wings, I think though they missed a trick or two as they could have included in the additional Christmas regulations anyone who picks up Mince Pies to eat them using their fingers, or who consumes Turkey or Turkey derived products
Colin will the Home Office apply any evidential flexibility under FM-SE for applicants who claim to fall outside of the definition of para “Ex dash MAS dot pound dollar hashtag” if for example, they claim to be from Mars or Jupiter or any other planet and thus do not look, sound, smell or have a name resembling that of a native from the Indian subcontinent?
Merry Christmas Colin, that was very funny. I almost believed it! Happy New Yr.
Ho ho ho! Thank the lord that your not a stand up comic as I would fear that you would go hungry Colin! Hope you’ve had a restful Christmas and I’m sure you’ll return to your usual role of thorn in the HO’s side in 2014, merry christmas Colin Yeo, PO.