I have a new and cunning plan to solve the queues at Heathrow, save the Olympics and, as an added bonus, revitalise rock bottom morale at the UK Border Agency, which is by all accounts now falling apart at the seams of its soon-to-be-replaced uniforms.
All Theresa May has to do is mug Dr Who, steal the Tardis and go back in time a few short months to the border checks fiasco. Instead of hanging Brodie Clarke out to dry before he has even had a chance to explain himself in flagrant denial of anything resembling fair process and thereby sending a signal to her civil servants that they will be sacrificed in the blink of an eye if politically expedient to do so, she would stand by him, stand up to the unprincipled, opportunist Labour populists and tell the media that controlled, risk-based border checks are a legitimate and proportionate way of managing our borders and have been for time immemorial, including under the last Government. Instead of making a rod for her own back and saddling the country with an utterly unworkable system of border control just in time for a massive international sporting event to which quite a few people might apparently want to travel from abroad, she would lay the foundations for the re-establishment of some commonsense in immigration control after years of slide towards a stultified, box-ticking, bureaucratic disaster.
And that she takes it all back about The Cat, which was just a bit of party political nonsense.
Or perhaps Theresa May is secretly a No Borders believer and this was all part of her cunning plan to make immigration control so self evidently preposterous and obnoxious to the holiday going classes that they will eventually clamour for its total abolition. In which case I have new found respect for our esteemed Home Secretary.